Thursday, April 20, 2006

Okay. I Give Up.

Went to the OP last night, formerly the favorite watering hole of cool folks like me in B-town. Only problem? It's gotten popular! How did that happen? I used to love the OP for the lack of crowds... all of a sudden, college students have infiltrated the bar! Now, hopefully they'll all leave for the summer, and maybe the place will get back to normal by the end of May. I hope so. Because... well, while it was nice to see so many girls at the bar, it wasn't so nice dealing with the moronic males following those girls into the OP. AND... huh, maybe it's me, but it seems like many of these freshly minted 21 year olds are incredibly shallow. Just the products of consumer driven, media and tech saturated childhoods, I suppose, the evil spawn of the equally shallow Baby Boom generation.

BUT that's not what I wanted to go into here.

Nope. It does lead me to my main subject. As I ogled the many young women in the bar last night, I realized I'm done. I give up. I'm not suddenly turning gay or something, or even practicing celibacy to make a point, but I am through playing the games it seems to take to "hook up" with a woman these days. Not that I was ever any good at THOSE games. I've always felt like I never got the memo. Never got the instruction book that seemed to make meeting and dating girls look so easy for the other guys. I've had some serious girlfriends, mind you, but they were usually agressive enough to make the first move, or suggestion.

You see, I've realized that when it comes to interpersonal communication between guys and girls, I AM AN IDIOT. I'm kinda smart about a lot of things. Except this. I don't pick up on the non verbals, I don't "get" it when a girl shows interest, I don't even know what the "first move" is, never mind how to execute one. Yup, when it comes to relationships with women, Me Am A Moron.

So, I'm writing this post to put it in writing somewhere, even if noone reads it. It's kinda been my policy anyway. I give up.

I don't blame anyone else for this but myself. I'm an unnattractive, introverted dude who looks like late 20s but just turned 40. I've never dated any girl longer than 8 months. I'm bitter after numerous betrayals and breakups (one girlfriend fucked a roommate years ago, that was fun). I've got self esteem issues. Clearly. All of which adds up to a really attractive package, huh? With so much baggage, I'm pretty much figuring I'm a lost cause. So this is my "I Give Up" on trying to get into a relationship manifesto post. Put the proverbial fork in me. I'm done.